Welcome to my body love rebuild

I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t aware that my body was “too big.”
That message wasn’t whispered—it was loud, clear, and delivered early.

It started with my mom and my dance teacher pulling me aside to gently explain that I needed to “watch what I ate.” I was too young to understand calories or body image, but I understood shame. I understood that something about me was wrong. That I took up too much space.

From there, the messaging never really stopped.
In middle school and high school, I was the funny friend, the dependable one, the one the boys came to… when they wanted to get closer to my prettier, thinner friends. Or worse, the one they did want—but only in secret. I was good enough to make out with in the dark, but never good enough to be their girlfriend in the light.

That kind of reinforcement shapes a girl.
It teaches her her body is a problem to solve.
It teaches her that love must be earned by shrinking.
And it sticks—hard.

I’ve worn every version of that belief:
The one who restricts.
The one who binges.
The one who works out to punish.
The one who disappears into motherhood and tries to ignore her body altogether.

But somewhere along the line—maybe in the chaos of raising three kids, maybe in a quiet moment of self-reflection—I realized I couldn’t do it anymore.

I couldn’t keep teaching myself (and my children) that my worth lives in my dress size.

So I chose something radical.
I chose to stop fixing and start healing.
Not just for me—but for them. For my kids to see a mom who respects her body, listens to it, nourishes it, and doesn’t treat it like an apology.

This blog is part of that healing.

It’s not a blueprint. It’s not perfect. It’s not even fully figured out.
But it’s real. And it’s mine. And I’m honored to share it.

So if you’ve ever felt at war with your reflection…
If you were ever the “funny one,” the “chubby one,” the “not enough one”…
You’re not alone. And you don’t have to stay there.

This is where we unlearn.
This is where we come home to ourselves.

Welcome. 🖤

xx ash